Mother's Day, UGH!

Yesterday was mother's day.  I wasn't a very good mother.  I was mean, not the yelling screaming mean that I think of when I think mean mom.  No, worse!  You see, I didn't like my presents.  Not the handmade priceless treasures made at school, those I am over the moon for, absolutely and completely, still looking for a place to display those, loud and proud.  You see, hubby is not very good at gift giving.  As a matter of fact, he is horrible.  It is a well known fact in our relationship and not just known by me, but his sister and mother have been known to comment on this small flaw.  It is really bad, I know this, and I don't know why I sent him out to shop, yet again, with no guidance.   

The truth is, I don't need anything fancy or expensive.  I'd like something thoughtful and there in lies the problem.  Thought.  In order to come up of a thoughtful gift, you need to THINK and put some THOUGHT into it.  This is something that is very rarely accomplished the day of the holiday. Most thoughtful gifts require planning.  The man cannot plan, refuses to plan actually.  It is a problem when someone wants a thoughtful gift.  

So it's Saturday afternoon, he has only an hour or so to get this done.  He walks into the Hallmark store first, because he knows he has to get a card.  This momma loves a good card. I really do. In there, he sees a lot of college gear and decides that would be a good gift idea.  Now if you've seen the college stuff at most Hallmark stores, you'll know it is cute, sometimes tacky, but whatever, it could still be a fun little gift for me, a mom who loves her school.  He proceeds to get a Tervis tumbler, coasters, a purse, a necklace and a bracelet.  Everything was smartly placed in the purse as if it was the gift bag.  Cute.  I am digging the whole themed presents.  He knows I love a good theme.  He did good.

The thing he forgot is that I am a little on the practical side when it comes to everyday spending.  Don't get me wrong, momma does like to splurge now and again.  He can tell you that.  As I am opening these gifts, all I am thinking is holy moly how much did this crap cost, because it is CRAP.  Cheap collegiate crap that I am going to be hard pressed to want to wear.  The purse is quilted satin with a cheapy patch sewn onto one of the bottom corners.  The jewelry is plastic, seriously PLASTIC, being passed off as silver looking metal.  My 70 year old mother who attends every single one of these college games would not wear this stuff. It is bad. And what's even more is it's A LOT of stuff, A LOT!!!!  Overkill, really.  My mental calculator is in overdrive estimating the cost of this and thinking of all the things I could buy with that money.

He knows me well and can see the look on my face.  He says, "You don't like your gifts."  Not a question, a statement.  He is not wrong.  I am not a good liar.  He looks frustrated and sad.  The kids now know I do not love my gifts.  I am trying to say I like them and explain why I don't all at the same time and it is all bad, just bad.  I am a bad momma.  Claire knows, Claire totally knows and knows why.  I turn to her and say I thought you were going to help him? She says well I didn't really have a good idea and wasn't with him when he went shopping.  

As a middle schooler who doesn't make gifts at school anymore, she should have been with him!!!  As our daughter, she should help him!!!  I remember the day I had to start "helping" my dad with gifts for my mom.  I was 10.  She would make hints, I listened, I gave dad ideas about what to get.  Men aren't good at the listening for hints part of gift giving, at least not most men.  

The real problem here is my sweet, precious, kind son was with him.  I was pretty sure he helped pick some of the things out.  It may even be because of him that there was so much stuff.  As I was tucking him in last night, I said, "I don't hate my presents.  They are really cute.  Which ones did you pick out for me?" He said, "The necklace." My heart sank.  I told him I loved it and couldn't wait to wear it.  I wasn't lying.  I was thinking of my sweet boy who was thinking of me in that Hallmark store, and I have never felt smaller.  

I went to bed and cried. I cried and cried because I was so ungrateful to that sweet little boy.  I knew that if someone else hurt him like that I would go all momma bear on that person. I would be appalled that someone could do such a thing to that sweet precious child.  

And then, it hit me, and it hit me hard!  

The man who bought all that stuff at the Hallmark store is someone else's sweet little boy and I was mean to him, too.  I am so very sorry.  I love both of those sweet boys so much.  They are my gifts and I am still crying and angry with myself for being a mean momma!  How could I? My own momma taught me better than that.  I will make darn sure not to make the same mistake again.  

Dear sweet boys, momma is very sorry.  I love you both very much.

YAWN!

So seriously tired these days. I catch myself yawning at all times of the day. It is so very unlike me, but I absolutely cannot stop the yawning.  I was thinking it is because we need a new mattress.  I am falling prey to all of those mattress commercials blaming a bad night's sleep on your old mattress or telling me my mattress is more then 8 years old or whatever.  Although both of those things may actually be true, it's not the mattress. I know because most nights I am not even sleeping on my own mattress.  I am sleeping in Claire's room.  Why you ask? Well, my almost 11 year old wakes up most nights around 1am scared and cannot get back to sleep.

As all things do, it started slowly. One night here, another there, now it is almost every night.  She wakes me up between 12:30 and 1:30, I go to her bed, fall asleep for an hour or two, wake up around 3 and go back to my bed to sleep until the alarm to wakes me up at 5:45.  All the while trying to ignore Ted's snoring.  Now if you are paying attention, you have noticed I don't get three consecutive hours of sleep.  I remember my high school psych teacher telling us that is really bad.  No REM makes people crazy... hmmm.  I can't say I feel crazy, exactly.  I mean apart from my usual crazy.  I am just so darn tired. I yawn a lot, huge jaw stretching yawns at the most inopportune times.  I can't focus very well.  I am more forgetful than usual.  If I am not crazy yet, it is certainly just around the corner.

It has to stop, so I have asked her to explain why she is so scared at night, hoping I can allay her fears with some very rational adult-like argument, though I'm not sure my brain could come up with much in its current state.  She has no explanation.  She is usually a considerate child, so I have explained to her that it is no good for any of us to be losing this much sleep.  We need to get our rest!  Last night, she said she tried really hard to fall asleep on her own and had been up a full hour before she came into our room.

Although I am beyond tired, I do recognize that I should really cherish this.  As I said before, she is almost 11, like in just days. As I lay there annoyed that I am in my child's bed at 2am again, I also think in a year or so she isn't going to want me anywhere near her.   I need to hug that sweet thing tight now while I can because she WILL push away so much sooner than I think.  Here's to a few more good yawns!

Rock and a Hard Place

I have the sweetest little girl, evah!  I really do.  So sweet in fact that I have to teach her to be mean.  I can't believe I am saying that.  Mean probably isn't the best word to describe what I am talking about.  You see a lot of other girls want Claire's attention all of the time.  It is wearing her out.  I have seen it.  They are constantly shouting, "Claire! Claire!" trying to get her attention and talking over each other constantly.  It is a little much, maybe even weird.  She loves all of these girls as well as few others who aren't so demanding of her time.  Problem is, she can't give all of them the time and attention they require.  Now, some of her dearest friends have had enough and are no longer vying for her time.  They still like Claire, but they aren't going to get involved with the drama to be near her.  I am hoping it is a result of being secure enough in their friendship with Claire that they know they do not need to fight for it unnecessarily.  At least, that is what I am telling myself.   A while back, one of her friends even said to her, "I don't get it.  I mean your nice and all, but why is everyone SO crazy about you?"  I agree.  She is pretty awesome, but so are these other girls.

She has a really great group of friends, really.  Therein lies the problem.  They are all good friends, but Claire literally cannot hangout with all of them(and I'm talking 10+ girls) everyday at recess, or sit next to more than two at once, or listen to more than one at a time.  One person simply cannot fulfill all the tasks that these girls are asking of her, nor can she choose which one will sit next to her, or play with her or whatever.  It is a lot for one 10 year old to handle (especially when it has been going on since 2nd grade).  Consequently, she is letting them duke it out without really saying anything, so she doesn't have to be the bad guy that hurts someone's feelings by making a choice, which means the pushiest and most aggressive girls win every time.  I don't like that.  It seems to me she is rewarding negative behavior.

I am trying to teach her to be more diplomatic about it and say things like, "I haven't played with 'so and so' in a while, so I will see you guys later." My other favorite is, "I see you all day in class but don't see my other friends, so I am going to hang out with them today." I think these sound like very nice ways to tell someone I need a little space without really hurting their feelings, right?  She says it doesn't work that they follow her as she leaves to play with the others and will not leave her alone.

Recently, other moms have brought to my attention that the situation has gotten worse.  Of course, these are the moms of the girls who are NOT fighting for her attention. Their girls are tired of never getting to hang out with Claire.  So, here I am again, talking to my daughter about how to juggle friendships, and I realize I am not that much better.  Some of my favorite friends I don't see as much as I would like.  Sometimes it is pushier friends(or those in closer proximity) getting my attention, but most often the problem is time.  Again, there is just not enough of it. I no longer have the time to keep up with everyone.  Perhaps what we both need to do is make sure the time we spend, with the people we want to spend time with the most, is quality time, spent really connecting with those people.

My new solution is to make sure Claire gets time every week to spend with a friend she doesn't get to see much at school and do something that they really like to do together with out the distractions of the playground.  I will also make sure I spend time with my friends.  Once a month(time is an issue, so weekly is out!), I am going to go to lunch with someone I love, but don't get to spend enough time with. This may not solve the playground issues, but at least we will continue to build relationships we treasure.  Will let you know how it goes....

Masked

How cute is this boy?  The most perfectly sweet little grim reaper you ever did see, right?!?!

This scary looking guy was not easy to create.  Every year Aunt Debbie buys the kids Halloween costumes for their birthdays.  She always consults with them ahead to make sure she is getting exactly what they want, which she usually does.  This year was a real challenge for Deb.  She brought Patrick the costume catalog and went through it with him.  He picked out some real doozies.  One had a tattoo shirt with bloody, oozing bullet holes.  Another had a slash in the stomach flesh with his insides on display.  Really people, these were children's costumes.  I decided 1st grade was a bit too early to start with such gory costumes. Aunt Debbie and Patrick were both very disappointed.

There were several grim reapers to choose from, which was what he said he wanted to be in the first place. After much deliberation, he finally chose the all black get up with blinking lights for eyes.  It was very cool.  As you can imagine the light up eyes were the best part, so good in fact he had to play with them long before Halloween.  As any parent knows, this can only end in disaster.  An hour before it is time to head out the neighborhood parade, the eyes quit working.  Tears are falling. I try to readjust and wiggle wires.  Nothing I do is working.  Daddy gets on board with the repair and is successful after many maneuvers.  WHEW!  Now, we have electrical tape around a phone case holding the batteries wired to the glasses.  Said phone case must go inside shorts pockets, and he must change the clothes underneath the costume, which results in many tears because he only likes to wear athletic shorts, which have no pockets.  Daddy is losing patience.  After all, didn't he save the day by fixing the blinking eyes? My turn to explain the clothing situation and the parade schedule.  He relents puts on the clothes and costume, with blinking eyes and we head out the door to the parade, LATE.  Lucky for us, the parade was behind schedule and the grim reaper was present for the annual BOO parade.  We can't have Halloween without the grim reaper.  That wouldn't be right.

The real irony of it all is that Patrick was the grim reaper.  He wouldn't hurt a fly.  He is just not a fighter, that one. That is until recently. You see Patrick was being bullied by a friend at school.  He would NOT stand up to the kid.  I had a few conversations with Patrick about what to say.  It wasn't working.  It did not go on for all that long because daddy got involved.  He quickly informed me that words don't work on most boys.  If Patrick was going to get a message across to this kid, he had to speak his language, a language that had nothing to do with words. Not something mommies want to hear!  I have spent years teaching him to use his words, and now, I have to say it's OK to fight... nuh, uh, not going to do it.  I was quickly told by daddy that it wasn't up to me; he was the man and he would teach him to be a man.  Seriously?!?!  What century are we living in? Luckily, I am not married to a complete Neanderthal and he told Patrick to push the kid the next time he got physical with him.  Thank Goodness no fists, not yet.

Well when the showdown happened, it happened on the bus.  Patrick was being hit in the face repeatedly with a package of zany bands and grabbed the kids arm to stop him and sunk in his very untrimmed nails, drawing blood.  (Note to self- keep nails trimmed) Guess who got into trouble on the bus?!?! He was so upset.  He got off the bus and ran home without saying a word.  Every kid pouring off the bus that day kept saying, "It wasn't his fault! It wasn't his fault!" At that point, I had no idea what had happened, but I had a pretty good idea.  He finally stood up for himself!  Although I am not one to advocate violence of any kind, I was proud of him.

People who know Patrick find this story especially shocking.  He is loud, he is out there, he is all boy, and I love it! That is what people see on the outside.  At home, he is really sensitive and gets his little feelings hurt so easily.  He missed Claire so much when she went to camp he would not leave my side, not at all, the whole week she was gone.  Even I was shocked at that.  As loud, crazy and confident as he seems, the little boy who wants to be the grim reaper for Halloween was still affected by a bully, especially since that bully was and still is a good friend.

I love scrapbooking!

I admit it.  I am a nerdy scrapbooker.  I can't help it.  I love pictures, decorative paper and telling stories. Many people are surprised to know this about me.  I received more than a few wide eyed looks when I recently told people I was going to a scrapbook convention (One neighbor still thinks it's a cover for some illicit activity- I can only imagine what is going through his mind). I also discovered there are more people like me out there than I thought.  Closet scrappers, seriously many of them scrap in a closet.  It's a practical use of space, really.  Recently, I came out of the closet, literally, when we moved to a house where I have my very own scrapbook room.  Perfect, right?!?!  I know you are jealous.  I have been here a year and still very little has been created in my spacious scrap room.  It is sad really.  The truth is, it's not space I need, it's time. 

As the youngest in my family, the only photo album I have from childhood was made by my very thoughtful older sister. I am determined that will not be the fate of my children.   My plan is not to miss a memory, so that my kids will be able to look back at their scrapbooks and relive every memory with fondness.  I know this is what June Cleaver did, I just know it!

However, living life is getting in the way of scrapping life, and I'm a few years, behind.  I have some absolutely stunning albums, really.  Someday when the kids are in college and I have all this time on my hands as a stay at home empty nester, I will get back to creating those gorgeous pages.  For now, I think I will blog.  Oh, I haven't abandoned scrapping altogether.  I just won't feel as guilty about being behind in the picture part if I have the story part down somewhere.    

And mom, I now know why I don't have any sort of baby book/scrapbook or whatever you called it back then, and I am sorry I gave you a hard time about it.  The pictures you can't find, however, I am still a little disgruntled over that.  Keep looking!