Yesterday was mother's day. I wasn't a very good mother. I was mean, not the yelling screaming mean that I think of when I think mean mom. No, worse! You see, I didn't like my presents. Not the handmade priceless treasures made at school, those I am over the moon for, absolutely and completely, still looking for a place to display those, loud and proud. You see, hubby is not very good at gift giving. As a matter of fact, he is horrible. It is a well known fact in our relationship and not just known by me, but his sister and mother have been known to comment on this small flaw. It is really bad, I know this, and I don't know why I sent him out to shop, yet again, with no guidance.
The truth is, I don't need anything fancy or expensive. I'd like something thoughtful and there in lies the problem. Thought. In order to come up of a thoughtful gift, you need to THINK and put some THOUGHT into it. This is something that is very rarely accomplished the day of the holiday. Most thoughtful gifts require planning. The man cannot plan, refuses to plan actually. It is a problem when someone wants a thoughtful gift.
So it's Saturday afternoon, he has only an hour or so to get this done. He walks into the Hallmark store first, because he knows he has to get a card. This momma loves a good card. I really do. In there, he sees a lot of college gear and decides that would be a good gift idea. Now if you've seen the college stuff at most Hallmark stores, you'll know it is cute, sometimes tacky, but whatever, it could still be a fun little gift for me, a mom who loves her school. He proceeds to get a Tervis tumbler, coasters, a purse, a necklace and a bracelet. Everything was smartly placed in the purse as if it was the gift bag. Cute. I am digging the whole themed presents. He knows I love a good theme. He did good.
The thing he forgot is that I am a little on the practical side when it comes to everyday spending. Don't get me wrong, momma does like to splurge now and again. He can tell you that. As I am opening these gifts, all I am thinking is holy moly how much did this crap cost, because it is CRAP. Cheap collegiate crap that I am going to be hard pressed to want to wear. The purse is quilted satin with a cheapy patch sewn onto one of the bottom corners. The jewelry is plastic, seriously PLASTIC, being passed off as silver looking metal. My 70 year old mother who attends every single one of these college games would not wear this stuff. It is bad. And what's even more is it's A LOT of stuff, A LOT!!!! Overkill, really. My mental calculator is in overdrive estimating the cost of this and thinking of all the things I could buy with that money.
He knows me well and can see the look on my face. He says, "You don't like your gifts." Not a question, a statement. He is not wrong. I am not a good liar. He looks frustrated and sad. The kids now know I do not love my gifts. I am trying to say I like them and explain why I don't all at the same time and it is all bad, just bad. I am a bad momma. Claire knows, Claire totally knows and knows why. I turn to her and say I thought you were going to help him? She says well I didn't really have a good idea and wasn't with him when he went shopping.
As a middle schooler who doesn't make gifts at school anymore, she should have been with him!!! As our daughter, she should help him!!! I remember the day I had to start "helping" my dad with gifts for my mom. I was 10. She would make hints, I listened, I gave dad ideas about what to get. Men aren't good at the listening for hints part of gift giving, at least not most men.
The real problem here is my sweet, precious, kind son was with him. I was pretty sure he helped pick some of the things out. It may even be because of him that there was so much stuff. As I was tucking him in last night, I said, "I don't hate my presents. They are really cute. Which ones did you pick out for me?" He said, "The necklace." My heart sank. I told him I loved it and couldn't wait to wear it. I wasn't lying. I was thinking of my sweet boy who was thinking of me in that Hallmark store, and I have never felt smaller.
I went to bed and cried. I cried and cried because I was so ungrateful to that sweet little boy. I knew that if someone else hurt him like that I would go all momma bear on that person. I would be appalled that someone could do such a thing to that sweet precious child.
And then, it hit me, and it hit me hard!
The man who bought all that stuff at the Hallmark store is someone else's sweet little boy and I was mean to him, too. I am so very sorry. I love both of those sweet boys so much. They are my gifts and I am still crying and angry with myself for being a mean momma! How could I? My own momma taught me better than that. I will make darn sure not to make the same mistake again.
Dear sweet boys, momma is very sorry. I love you both very much.
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